The 3 C’s of Successful Parenting
I’m Heather Anderson, and this is Episode 1: The 3 C’s of Successful Parenting.
Welcome to The Mommy Whisperer. I’m your host, Heather Anderson. I’m a mother, wife, educator, and a Certified Life Coach specializing in parenting and relationships. I’m here to talk about all things motherhood, and to inspire more confidence, happiness, and fulfillment on your journey through motherhood… the most important job in the world!
Hello amazing moms! Thank you for joining me today.
Do you remember when the nurses handed you your sweet, innocent, little tiny, completely dependent, beautiful baby without any instructions whatsoever? I felt so desperate and so scared. I felt like someone was playing a terrible trick on me. I felt like Ashton was going to jump out and Punk me or something, any second. I mean, if you buy a phone you get an instruction manual; a car comes with a big ole thick instruction manual, and a computer comes with like 20 instruction manuals. But with our children, we get nothing. Oh, there are books out there; there are a ton of books out there, all with different methods and opinions. I’ve read so so many of them. To the point that my brain felt like it could literally not hold even one more thought or idea. And all of that unsolicited advice that comes from the older generations, like our parents or our grandparents… you know, the ones who make you feel like you’re doing it all wrong? Yeah, you know, we can’t use much of what they say because they parented in a completely different day and age. Let me explain.
The society we live in and that are raising our children in is so so different than even a few decades ago. Previous generations were raised in a more autocratic society where everyone had a role and everyone knew what it was, including the children. There was a sort of pecking order. And rarely was this pecking order challenged. The boss was in charge of dad, dad was in charge of mom, mom was in charge of the kids, and the kids just knew there place. And they didn’t feel that same equality to their parents that kids feel today.
Authoritarian parenting was the norm. That means that parents commanded and they absolutely did not negotiate. And kids just obeyed.
This all worked really well in the past, but it just doesn’t work anymore. Children are being so influenced by this change in our society and in the social relationships. Perhaps the most significant influence on relationships between adults and children has been the change in relationships between men and women. With the Women’s Liberation Movement and with the increasing awareness of their rights and their abilities, women became more insistent that other areas of their lives improve too. And with this movement, and this change for women, many men have reacted defensively to this women’s liberation movement.
So now let’s look at these amazingly intelligent children, who are born into a family in which there may be a struggle for individual rights between mom and dad. Maybe some couples have their roles all figured out and are comfortable in them, but most couples, no matter how in love they are and how well they get along, might have some underlying issues, probably so hidden that they might not even know that they exist. But these tiny little innocent humans, brilliantly observant creatures, can truly sniff out any kink in the chain. So these children that enter our family from a very young age have already concluded that they must have rights too. And that they are in face equal with mom and dad. But with their young and immature brains, they don’t understand that this new, democratic way of doing things means for them to rights, they must respect the rights of others. As I say that, there is such a loaded lesson in there, even for us adults.
Children today seem to believe that they should have the rights and parents should have the responsibility. And it doesn’t stop there. While desperately seeking their rights, children seem more unwilling than ever to submit to adults. And they feel that they can do whatever they please. Does this sound familiar? Do you sometimes feel like your life is being ruled by these tiny humans you brought into the world? If so, you are not alone. This once again is a mistaken view of democracy.
(All of a sudden, this is sounding like a political podcast, and it’s really not. I have a point, so stick with me for a minute.)
To so many, and especially to our children, democracy means freedom to do as one pleases. But this is not freedom. Think about it, if each member of the family insists on doing as he pleases, we have a house full of tyrants with resulting anarchy. When everyone does as he pleases, we have constant conflict and struggle. This disturbs all of our relationships. Which, in turn, makes all of the contention in the house even worse. In this type of environment, there is so much stress, and anger, and anxiety, and irritability, especially with us moms.
Yes, freedom is part of democracy, but we must understand and we must teach our children that we cannot have freedom unless we respect others and their freedoms too. And that includes moms.
And, this is important: in order to have freedom, we must have order. Freedom also means that we have responsibilities. I am free to drive a car, but if I choose to drive it in the lane of oncoming traffic, that freedom will soon be gone. So with freedom there must be order and there must be responsibility.
I once read that letting children have unrestricted freedom has made tyrants of children, and slaves of the parents, which basically means that children are enjoying all the freedom while parents are assuming all the responsibility. And this is hardly democratic at all. This has caused children to become confused and behave in a way that is unacceptable in society. Well-defined restrictions and expectations actually give children a sense of security. I talk a lot more about his in an upcoming episode called Children Crave Boundaries. We really must define the expectations and the order and the responsibilities to help our children feel more free and feel more secure.
So does this all sound good so far? Like maybe something you might want to try in your home? Then I would like to teach you how we can change everything. We must turn away from the old autocratic, authoritarian methods that our parents might have used with us, when parents demand submission and punish when we aren’t’ doing something they expect us to do. We must create a new method that’s based on order and responsibility. We cannot force our children to behave, but instead must try to stimulate and encourage them into voluntarily taking their part in the maintenance of the order.
Does this sound way more difficult than simply bossing them around? It is. But I’m here to give you my simplified, easy-to-follow and remember way of instilling a sense of responsibility and cooperation in your children. And therefore creating a house of order, and much more happiness and bonding and amazing familial relationships.
I’ve coached a lot of moms with this method and I wanted to share it with you. It’s called my 3 C’s of Successful Parenting. The first C is Clear Expectations; the second C is Consequences; and the third C is Consistency. These 3 C’s of Successful Parenting apply to children of all ages and in all settings.
I hope that as I describe its application in a variety of setting with many many different examples, you’ll become super familiar with how it works and it will become easier for you to see how it will work in your unique family with your specific problems and needs for modifying your children’s behavior. This system will help you create and maintain a happy, supportive home environment with respect and positivity.
I will talk about managing your children’s behavior. It is our responsibility as moms, on behalf of ourselves and our children and the other people in our family and even society to create a world where we and our children receive immense amounts of positive reinforcement. To design a world in which we can all behave well. That’s what the 3 C’s of Successful Parenting will do for your family. It will help make it easier for your children to have an environment where they can behave well.
It wont’ be easy. Good parenting isn’t. But it will be oh so worth it.
Tune in next week as we begin our journey with the 3 C’s. We will start with setting Clear Expectations. And remember: What is best for your child is not always what is most convenient for you.
If you would like to learn more about The Mommy Whisperer or would like to sign up for a free mini coaching call with me, please head on over to my website at The-MommyWhisperer.com.